He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
