I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
