I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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