we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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