If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
