ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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