I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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