is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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