tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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