question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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