Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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