i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
