Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
