If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
