I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
