one might say we're banned from that church
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
