I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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