Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
