i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
