hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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