just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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