I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
