He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
