just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
