you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
