I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
