I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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