Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
