Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
