So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
