Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
