Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
