omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
