Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
