Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you. Go after that dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
