Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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