I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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