You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize