My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
