This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We need to get me chipped asap
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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