you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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