i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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