I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my poor anus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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