Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
