high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize