wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
