We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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