hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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