When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
