I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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