i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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