I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
