Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
