I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
