I met the friendliest cop last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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