You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
