you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
