Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
