Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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