first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
