I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
