brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
