It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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