A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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