She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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