Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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