it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
