***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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