there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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