so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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