just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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