it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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