I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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