some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
