Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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