I will die if light touches me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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