My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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