just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
