youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
