Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
