your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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