Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
