i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
