I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
