I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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