I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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