Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
