dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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