Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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