After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
