she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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