Dual....:-)
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Randomize
