By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
