You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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