It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize