you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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