Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
