Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
