Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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