Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
