Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i came on her dog
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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