i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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