Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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