Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
