hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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