chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
