Your mouth is God's brothel.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
